Are You Simping? Here Are the Signs

Don’t let simping make you forget your worth.

It might seem that the term “simp” has been around the internet only recently, but it’s actually older than the internet itself. The term was already in use even in the 1940s, and you can find it in some books.

What Is Simping?

It comes from the root word “simp”, an internet slang term used to describe someone who shows excessive attention and affection towards another person. Often, their gestures and sentiments are not reciprocated.

The Cambridge Dictionary definition of a simp is derived from the term, “simpleton,” which means “silly” or “not intelligent.” Over time, it has become a code for calling a person weak, submissive, and foolish.

Another urban definition of the term refers to a guy who is desperate for a woman he likes or obsesses over.

Simping is a behavior where a person goes overboard trying to gain someone else’s affection or approval, often at the expense of their self-respect and personal boundaries. In some cases, it can also lead to depletion of resources.

Some people (mostly men) exhibiting this behavior are most likely to waste money and other forms of gifts to gain a person’s affection, even when their tactics are not working. Sadly, they can also disregard other people’s choices and boundaries.

Why Do People Simp?

There are several theories surrounding simping behavior. Some studies point to it being a maladaptive strategy brought by intense dating competition, which causes “simps” to overcompensate just to have a chance.

Francis McAndrew’s “Costly Signaling Theory” published in the Encyclopedia of Evolutionary Psychological Science suggests that individuals who signal their romantic interest through costly behavior are doing so to prove how committed they are and that they have desirable qualities such as abundant resources.

Some motives within the modern backdrop can stem from a combination of psychological and social factors.

Psychologically, many simps crave validation from people they idealize. They try to achieve that by showering the person they desire with favors. They also tend to suffer from low self-esteem and fear of rejection.

Social media and online communities can also amplify obsessive behaviors. Likes and comments serve as validation and online communities can encourage such behaviors.

Why Is Simping Bad?

It seems like simps, particularly men, are just trying to increase their chances of getting noticed by their romantic interests.

They want validation, but just about everyone does anyway. It’s hardly aberrant behavior.

So why is simping considered bad and simps undesirable? Isn’t simping the same as kindness?

No, it’s not.

Simping is done in an attempt to gain a reward. Kindness is its own reward. It’s done out of empathy for other human beings.

Some people use the term “simp” to ridicule polite men who show women respect and kindness.

Apparently, they consider you a simp if, for example, you know your crush’s favorite salsa songs, use your jacket to protect a woman from the rain, or even just answer calls. But these critics are promoting toxic masculinity.

Let’s settle this: kindness and respect towards others should be standard, and it’s even more understandable when it’s towards someone you like.

The world needs more kind and respectful men, and they don’t deserve to be mocked for being themselves.

Simping, on the other hand, can have negative consequences for the people who behave in such ways.

When Simping Becomes Harmful

Simp memes undermine the devastation experienced by men exhibiting these behaviors.

While the behavior may start with good intentions, it often quickly backfires.

Simps neglect boundaries.

The more simps ignore their own boundaries and comfort zones by always saying “yes” to things they normally refuse just to impress someone, they erode their sense of individuality. It can make them vulnerable to further emotional or even financial harm.

And if they meet the right kind of woman, they might just end up chasing her away. She’ll think they have no values of their own, which she’s unlikely to appreciate.

They suffer financial strain.

Spending money on things they can’t afford is common simping behavior. It can become excessive and cause financial stress. Wasting money makes them vulnerable to those who only want to take advantage of their finances.

Well-known examples may be those who were users of Craigslist Colombia. Although documented evidence is kept private, anecdotes abound of people who invested heavily in potential romantic interests, only to find out they were frauds. The platform's lack of reliable profiles raised the risks of people falling victim to romance scams.

They suffer increased stress.

It’s exhausting to always try to please someone, especially when they can’t reciprocate. Simps always worry about how their fixation will react if they say no or forget to give them something. This can lead to stress.

Aside from being stressed out, simps might also be missing out on someone who would welcome their attention.

Signs You’re Simping

Have you ever wondered if your efforts to impress someone you admire have crossed a line?

Often joked about online and turned into simp memes, certain behaviors can signal an imbalance in your pursuit of affection. While these memes are humorous, they often highlight real patterns.

Let’s explore some of the tell-tale signs.

You’re spending too much.

Gift-giving, especially when it’s your love language, is fine. But if you’re always spending more than you can afford to impress someone you admire, you need to take a step back.

Prioritizing their wants over your financial well-being is not good for you.

You constantly message the person.

Checking in on someone you like shows you care, but bombarding them with messages, even when they’re not replying, is unhealthy.

You might be overly invested and ignoring their lack of interest and their boundaries.

You always change your plans to accommodate the person.

It’s natural to make time for your romantic interest, even if it means occasionally rescheduling. However, if you’re always ditching your other loved ones and commitments just for your unrequited love interest, your priorities may be askew.

Your personal life and other relationships matter too. Wake up and realize that simping makes you repeatedly drop everything for a person who doesn’t return your feelings. Even if the feeling was mutual, it would still be unhealthy to fixate only on them.

Why You Don’t Have to Be a Simp

If you’re able to recognize simping signs in yourself and you want to stop, remember that you can! A good starting point is understanding the risks involved. It will serve as your motivation to break free and build healthier, balanced relationships.

Understand when your affections are unrequited or one-sided so you can stop yourself from investing in them. Focus on your personal goals instead. What enriches your life is worthwhile.

If those personal goals involve being in a loving relationship, all the more reason to avoid simping and focus on the real thing.

Go for Mutual Love

For those who used to seek connections on unreliable avenues, and those who have grown tired of dating apps, exploring a reputable and safe Craigslist Personals alternative is better for meeting women who want genuine relationships.

You deserve to connect with real people whose goals align with yours.

One of those reputable Craigslist alternatives is CaliWomen.com. Sign up now!

McAndrew, F. T. (2019). Costly signaling theory. In Encyclopedia of evolutionary psychological science, eds. Shackelford, T. and WeekesShackelford, V. Cham, Switzerland: Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-16999-6_3483-1